Change

If the only prayer you ever said was thankyou that would suffice – meister eckhart

Hello Women in Action! It’s 2017 and changes are afoot. After a wonderful couple of years running this blog and facebook page and getting to host some truly inspirational events, as well as interview women from all over Canberra it’s time to stretch my wings and focus on a new project (moving to Melbourne and becoming a teacher!). Whilst this may be only a temporary hiatus, I do want to put my heart and soul into this next venture without worrying I’m leaving anyone behind. This blog will stay open so that the current (and any potential future!) content continues to be easily available. If you have any questions or want to stay in touch, please don’t hesitate to send me a message.

I want to thank you all truly from the bottom of my heart for your support, whether you agreed to an interview, came along or performed at an event or just participated from afar. Canberra has an INCREDIBLE community and Women in Action has shown me that. It has shown me the diversity of ways in which we, as ordinary human beings, can have a positive impact on those around us. I wish you all the best and know that wherever you are in the world there is ALWAYS someone who loves and believes in you.

Much love,
Sian ❤

Great Expectations

Tonight I am coming face to face with something, so I thought it would be helpful to write about it.

This ‘something’ is expectations. When you find yourself living at home and working a casual job at 26 despite having spent 5 years at uni, it isn’t difficult to experience moments where you question what the hell you’re doing with your life.
This is exactly where I’m at, and I don’t plan on hiding or avoiding those moments anymore. I sometimes feel pretty damn lost, scared,overwhelmed and resigned when I think about my future.
Specifically, when I think about this blog and Women in Action, I often feel like a failure. In fact, there are so many negative thoughts that I have about it that I had to write them all down on this sheet of paper to even have the headspace to write this blog post.

Here are just a few of them:
‘I have no idea what I’m doing and it won’t go anywhere’  ‘I don’t have enough interesting ideas to sustain anything longterm’ ‘I should use my time for other more productive things’ ‘it’s too superficial and doesn’t promote real change or discuss real issues’ ‘I am a privileged white woman and shouldn’t take up space which could be used to allow minority groups to speak’ ‘I feel like I have already failed so what’s the point?.’

When people compliment me on the blog or interviews, sometimes all I hear is ‘we expect a lot from you Sian, and you will really disappoint us if you don’t deliver’. Every time I don’t stick to a schedule or sustain an idea, I reaffirm the part of myself that sees this all as a pointless struggle against my inevitable failure. Sound dramatic and ridiculous? It is, but when I’m in that headspace that’s all I see.

But you know what? I’m DONE. I’m done with feeding the voice inside my head that creates expectations and standards that I can never reach. I’m done covering up my sadness for the dreamer inside me that’s not being heard with anger and apathy towards others and my creativity. I’m done putting myself down for wanting to give something a GO. I’m done putting a stopper on ideas just because I haven’t tried them before and don’t know how to achieve them. I’m done apologizing and justifying.

I’m human and I WILL have thoughts of failure and disappointment frequently I’m sure, but every time I write something like this I edge closer and closer to waking up (and keeping awake!!) the sparkly eyed lass inside of me with a whole lot of dreams that matter to her.

The only expectation I have that really matters is that I will be loving, supportive and curious for and about myself and those around me, and cultivating a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the life I have. Yet again I come to a place where I can see how to nurture and nourish creativity instead of dismissing it.

Next for me is having a good think about what I do want to specifically contribute through this platform – creating a focus to pull together everything I have done so far and everything I will do. Thank you to every single person who has come past and participated in this, or ever listened to my interviews, or just briefly stopped by. The smallest gesture of support or encouragement to one person can and does flow on and on to the next person and the next, helping to create communities which keep alive creativity and joy and self expression. THAT is something to get excited about.

Podcast: Interview with Toni Hackett

In this episode of Soapbox I interviewed Relationship and Learning Consultant Toni Hackett about her passion for helping us all lead happy, healthy lives, and the challenges and triumphs of setting up a business.

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/soapboxpodcast/soapbox-ep-20-toni-hackett-relationship-and-learning-consultant

To hear ALL of the amazing interviews on Soapbox, with news ones added regularly, please head to https://soundcloud.com/soapboxpodcast or search Soapbox on Facebook or listen in on 2xx 98.3fm in Canberra.

🙂

Podcast: Interview with Bethany Flanagan from RSPCA

In this episode of Soapbox, I spoke to RSPCA staff member Bethany Flanagan about one eyed princess dogs, cows and crazy kittens – or in other words what it’s like to be a foster carer and why these often overlooked animals deserve our love and attention.

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/soapboxpodcast/soapbox-ep-10-bethany-flanagan-volunteer-co-ordinator-at-the-rspca

 

Podcast: International Women’s Day

Soapbox contributors Nida Mollinson, Sian Willoughby and Lee Constable look back on International Women’s Day and reflect on the good, the bad and the problematic aspects of the day and other feminist issues associated with representation and media.

Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/soapboxpodcast/soapbox-ep-15-the-good-the-bad-and-the-problematic-a-review-of-international-womens-day

Vulnerability

image from x.through.my.eyes.x [http://mulpix.com/post/992815756432423184.html]

Vulnerability. Now there’s a word that can strike many a reaction in our hearts! I discovered this article by Casey Near recently which has some powerful things to say about it. Here’s an excerpt:

Perhaps the most surprising thing I’ve discovered about myself while traveling is the power of vulnerability. I don’t have to choose between joy and sorrow and wonder. I can live at the crossroads, and comfortably. I don’t have to present the positive. When people ask how I am, I can answer them, and honestly.

…Certainly, vulnerability is not a cure-all. My ebbs and flows will continue; all of ours do. But I feel a crack in that perfect orb I maintained for so long. I can see that some of my rituals tethered me to an unbreakable facade, and that other ones will allow me the freedom to grow. I can see, most importantly, that vulnerability is its own kind of honesty, and it begets the same in others. I had always considered myself an open book, but any secrets I had shared were always tied to some well-worn narrative, an oral history I had perfected about myself. For once, I have the sense that the story has barely begun to unfold.

Read the full article, called Discovering My Strength in Vulnerability here.

❤

Thoughts on Tomorrowland

Hello.

[Since commenting on and apologizing for a lack of blogging activity seems to have become a theme for me, I’m going to sidestep that this time and merely say – hello].

I recently watched the movie Tomorrowland (2015) directed by Brad Bird and starring Britt Robertson, George Clooney and Hugh Laurie among many others.

This is the (intriguing) plot summary provided by IMBD:

Bound by a shared destiny, a teen bursting with scientific curiosity and a former boy-genius inventor embark on a mission to unearth the secrets of a place somewhere in time and space that exists in their collective memory.

Basically this involves crazy and magical inventions, robots and confrontations with Governor Nix, master of Tomorrowland (which is that place somewhere in time and space). Casey (Roberston) and Frank (Clooney) return to Tomorrowland in an effort to fix it, and share its secrets with an ailing world.

Behind the times as always considering its release in 2015, I nevertheless want to make a few comments about what I loved about the film.

Firstly, the strong female lead. Britt Robertson stars as Casey, a feisty and optimistic teen who actually wants to believe we can make a difference to the world’s problems. The writers (and Britt) succeed in making her come across as believable and realistic, free from the stereotypical and shallow hormonal romantic concerns that can otherwise dominate teen characters. She is smart, funny and not melodramatic in the slightest.

Secondly, (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!) Governor Nix’s speech when it is revealed that he has been creating and feeding the world images of its own destruction, with unintended results. Read it below:

What if… what if there was a way of skipping the middle man and putting the critical news [about the world] directly into everyone’s head? The probability of wide-spread annihilation kept going up. The only way to stop it was to show it. To scare people straight. Because, what reasonable human being wouldn’t be galvanized by the potential destruction of everything they’ve ever known or loved? To save civilization, I would show its collapse.

But, how do you think this vision was received? How do you think people responded to the prospect of imminent doom? They gobbled it up like a chocolate eclair! They didn’t fear their demise, they re-packaged it. It could be enjoyed as video-games, as TV shows, books, movies, the entire world wholeheartedly embraced the apocalypse and sprinted towards it with gleeful abandon. Meanwhile, your Earth was crumbling all around you. You’ve got simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation. Explain that one! Bees and butterflies start to disappear, the glaciers melt, algae blooms. All around you the coal mine canaries are dropping dead and you won’t take the hint!

In every moment there’s the possibility of a better future, but you people won’t believe it. And because you won’t believe it you won’t do what is necessary to make it a reality. So, you dwell on this terrible future. You resign yourselves to it for one reason, because *that* future does not ask anything of you today. So yes, we saw the iceberg and warned the Titanic. But you all just steered for it anyway, full steam ahead. Why? Because you want to sink! You gave up! That’s not the monitor’s fault. That’s yours.

What rang true about this speech was that even in the face of suffering and destruction, personal challenges and daily mundanity, there is always the possibility of an alternative future, we can just be blind to it, for many (legitimate) reasons. When we don’t see that things really CAN be different or better though, we do nothing.

You dwell on this terrible future. You resign yourselves to it for one reason, because *that* future does not ask anything of you today.

In my life I see how I resign myself to certain scary and soul crushing futures (like working at a desk job I hate for 30 years, or marrying too early and having 5 kids and not knowing myself or ever listening to my dreams) because to NOT believe that that is the only inevitable future means I have to DO something NOW about taking on the world and my life and getting what I really want. It means me seeing myself as a participant in and creator of my own life, rather than a somewhat contented but powerless bystander.

THAT is another whole kind of scary, but it is the kind of scary that makes me feel ALIVE. That is the future I secretly do want, where I have a responsibility to myself and my dreams and those around me, and I always know that change is possible, and I make things HAPPEN!

What kind of alternative/scary/interesting/heart-pumping/hopeful/different ‘futures’ are you going to dream about for yourselves and the world? Imagine if we all believed (even a teeeeensy bit!) in them!

❤

All About Women 2016

A little while back I was lucky enough to attend the All About Women conference hosted at the Sydney Opera House, and I thought I’d share some tidbits from the sessions I listened to. I learnt SO much by chatting to other women attending the event, and it was an amazing experience.

Rachel Hills – Sex Myths

Rachel Hills is an New York based Australian writer who works to uncover the unspoken norms and conventions that define our sexual expectations and experiences. She has written a book ‘The Sex Myth – the gap between our fantasies and reality’ which covers the results from interviews with over 200 people meshed with theoretical insights from writers like Foucault. An important myth that Rachel debunked was that as a ‘sex writer’ (or also anyone with some sexual preference or appearance or practise which is outside the norm) you automatically are expected to have an adventurous and frequent sex life. In fact Rachel began to explore sex as a result of its absence in her life, the bottom line being that people aren’t always what you expect, and most things are completely normal to the person doing them!

Thought provoking questions from the audience included:

• Have we ever thought about the conversation (or lack of it) that occurs between mothers and daughters, and what sexual norms are passed on there?
• How, when you are a feminist supportive of full sexual expression and power, do you best support someone who, after a breakup is asking for advice about casual sex, when you have seen it cause negative consequences?

Piper Kerman – Orange is the New Black

Piper Kerman is the author of the personal memoir ‘Orange is the New Black: my year in a woman’s prison’. She works with organizations all around the world to fight for justice for women in prison, and her book has been made into a well-known television series.

Piper is an absolutely inspirational and bold woman. When she was 20 she was waiting tables after finishing uni, with absolutely no idea of where her life was going, and today she is speaking to 100’s of people at the Sydney Opera House. Some of the sobering facts from her presentation:

• There has been a 650% increase in the number of women incarcerated in the last 30 years
• There are practically no support systems or programs to address the three most common factors leading to a higher likelihood of imprisonment – mental health problems, substance abuse, and sexual/physical abuse (as many as 90% of female prisoners experience this in and out of prison).
• As many women are also mother’s, putting women in prison inevitably has a ripple effect on their family and community.
•  Marginalization and shame are two of the most powerful tools to subdue someone, and many women experience these a long, long time before they end up in prison.

Piper’s argument for a better way forward is twofold – one build political representation for the communities affected by imprisonment to actually give them a way to speak, and two, understand the power of empathy.

A lack of empathy lies at the heart of every crime, its inception, and the way the ‘criminal’ is treated. I quote her – “Inequality becomes intolerable when you truly connect to others everyday in small ways”, finding the common ground we all share. Prison forces women to experience their very worst days, and they deserve the chance for the world to see their best days too.

Mallory Ortburg – The Happy Feminist

Mallory is an extremely hilarious individual who gave a wonderful speech about how happiness (or any other emotion!) is not a moral obligation as a feminist.

You don’t have to be happy because you don’t want people to get turned off feminism, but neither should you force yourself to be angry. Rather, things like humour can be used to actively engage and disarm stereotypes and patriarchal structures.

She compared feminism to “an old dog” or “a ship called intersectionality filled with non-exotic spices sailing off into the distance”.

She has a most amusing twitter account, and also runs a website called The Toast, where you will see lots of her writing as well as some excellent analysis of women’s facial expressions in western art history.

Find out more about the All About Women conference here.

❤

Thoughts on Brooklyn

“It summons up a full life in a fable about happiness—pursuing it, achieving it. And bestowing it; the film made me happy too”. Jo Morgenstern in The Wall Street Journal

“The film Brooklyn is a study in homesickness, which in this case means you ache for a place that, once upon a time, you were aching to leave”.
David Edelstein in Vulture

“Brooklyn deals with universal themes, but through the most intimate prism of a young woman who is starting to shape her life, uncertainly, walking into the future without a handrail”. Andrew L Urban in Rotten Tomatoes

Brooklyn is a film set in the 1940’s, and follows the life of a young Irish girl sent to work in America, played by Saoirse Ronan. It is adapted from a novel by Colm Tóibín.

Right as I was walking into the movie theatre, I bumped into a friend who when learning I was going to see Brooklyn said “it’s exactly the kind of movie you think you’re going to hate. It looks like a soppy romantic, period piece, but prepare to be surprised”. Surprised I was too, since the trailer truly does give you the sense that the whole movie is saturated with some kind of unrealistic love triangle (a la Edward, Bella and Jacob shudder). I instead thought it was a deeply moving reflection on what it’s like to be torn between two possibilities, and what’s it’s like to live within many kinds of ‘home’. Here are some of my favourite aspects of Brooklyn:

– The unassuming focus on an incredibly realistic and resilient female lead. In an industry with far too many middle-class white men still taking out the awards nights, it was inspiring to see a role written that doesn’t highlight the fact that a woman (gasp) plays the main role or ham up any of the emotional aspects of that character, but rather allows them to be admired and understood just as they are, as a human being going through an isolating and scary experience. At no point are any of her choices made to seem easy, in fact so compelling and rich are both of her worlds (Ireland and America) that you are allowed to sense the gravity and intellegence she brings to directing her life in the way she ultimately decides.

– The cinematography/shots of Ireland are breathtaking, but what stayed with me long after the film was the attention paid to Saoirse Ronan’s face. She is such a powerful and expressive actor, and many of the most heartbreaking, happy and significant moments in the film are portrayed to us solely through a close-up of her face. One of my favourite examples is early on, when she goes to a local dance with a friend before leaving for America. The brief minute focused on her character’s face as she laughs then her smile slowly fades captures something so beautifully about her internal struggle.

– The fact that any romantic relationship is fully contained within a whole world of other experiences. Whilst it is certainly about the power and pain of romantic love, Brooklyn demonstrates that there is a much greater complexity to any individuals life, and that they are always held within a network of relationships and connections. It is these networks which are shown to bring the greatest happiness and suffering.

Rather than go on, which I could easily do, I will end here except to say that I am so grateful I made the decision to see the film, and it is a story which has stayed with me for a long while afterwards, and which has prompted a lot of reflection on how I can make myself feel at home with the life I am making for myself.

Telegraph Review: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/film/brooklyn/review/
Rotten Tomatoes Review Collection: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/brooklyn/

Until next time!

Coming Up

Some of the things we have coming up in the next week or so are:

• An interview with Kris Ingram from Signal Hill Sanctuary about the amazing work she does caring for animals (also airing this Sunday on 2xxfm 98.3)
• Thoughts on the film ‘Brooklyn’
• An overview of the wonderful day that was All About Women in Sydney

  And more!